+Past My Poisoned Eyez+

Blood red and blind slit wrists you may find, her skin white as porcelain , breaks as dawn glows on her .the waste, sparkling with tears, the light layz down , the sun so brightly grins on her ... trapped in her body used and cold .. .she claws to find her salvation ... forsaken she must be,swallowed by the dark... her eyes dead as grey, as the reaper whispers in her ear. she twists her toes in search for warmth arms crossed over,round and soft ...

part of my diary
i write tons of shit that means absolutley nothing to anyone else but me ... muahahahahah....
this is just an erm ... example of whats in it,erg....cuz i wanna put it here .. nyahaha ....

i think i wrote this when i was in a great amount of stress and self hate ... ehehe.... i dunnow....
i dont really consider it a poem cuz it kinda sucks too much to be a poem .. and its to flowery to be a story ... so ... erm ...just read it ..... ahahahah


So yeah ... its finally summer and the heat is waw.O__O
and the stress from skool hasnt exactly left me, because i still have to submitt these projects for my Clearance..erggh.... its so damn fussy ... ergness....T___T
anyway .....i gotta do em in a few days ...and after that i have to wait for my report cards which i think will be given next week friday. ahehehe ...then ill find out if i really have to go to summer class or not .....T_____T..... i actually have a feeling im going to repeat ....T___T
argh...... i hope i dont have to,cuz im planning to get a summer job .. ahuhuhuhuh .and sum bass guitar lessons .... ahehehehe .....
.....i have been running low on brain fuel....
yyyeah .... my brains empty now ...
Buhbye..0__0

+in love and lonely+

by H.I.M.

In love and lonely
In love and lonely

I'm not with you my baby
Just to see you cry
I'm in love with you
Not the tears in your eyes

I can't remember
The last time you smiled
Oh I know how it feels
I know what it's like

To be
In love and lonely
In love and lonely

Don't know what to do my baby
It's not alright
This can't be the end
The time to say good bye

No I won't walk away that easy
After all this time
Oh you know how it feels
You know what it's like

To be
In love and lonely
In love and lonely

Oh you know how it feels
You know what it's like
You know how it is
But you just can't stop crying

In love and lonely
In love and lonely

In love and lonely
In love and lonely



I just have no idea what to write ... so i put the lyrics o the song that speaks to me most at the moment .

i have art block again...well not exactly ..letz just say slow..
and i dont really wnd up happy with the stuff i draw ....
which is kind of a bad thing because charles my friend, is sponsored by malacih clothing ... some kinda uraban clothing for skaterz ...hes asking me for shirt designs cuz he isnt happy with their current artists work ...from one point of veiw its a good thing... cuz i think ill same some commision from it as well...yay a job...aheheh. just kidding .. erm.. badthing is im in an artistic rutt and i dont know wether ill beable to give him anything decent to give to his sponsors......
sooo ...yeah ...
thats it ...
*poof*

+insecure+

......just wanted to vent ...
*ehem* ....
Things i hate .

1. my body ...
2. my hair
3. my skin
4. MYSLEF
   
5. spreading the hate ...
6. being neglected
7. being alone (although most of the time i am)
8. being misjudged
9. being misunderstood
10. being"misinformed"(LIED TO)
11. being weird
    
12. being used
    
13. getting abused
14. being discriminated
15. getting manipulated
16. being hated
17. getting backstabbed
18. being taunted
19. being feared (by a few peolple )
20. being helpless
21. being disrespected
22. not being taken seriously(made fun of)
    
23. "plastic" people
24. posers
25. wannabes
26. know it alls ...
27. dicks
28. assholes
29. pervs
30. wimps
31. being arngry or depressed all the time even i seriously dont want to ...
32. being told what to do ...
33. being made to conform ...
34. i hate you
    
35. i hate money(well...the greed that comes with it)
    
36. i hate sluts
37. i hate being the smallest in our group all the time
38. being the fattest in our group all the time
39. I HATE NOT BEING WITH JASON RYT NOW ....
40. I HATE MYSLEF .......(did i say that already)
    
41. i hate CSA (stoopid skool i go to .....)
42. i hate most of the people in it
43. i hate the world we live in ...
44. i hate not being able to think about more things to hate ... nyerk....
45. i hate chemistry ....
    

ahehe .. Talk about a hate blog... aheheh .. rawr ....
aheheh .. anyway... yeah .. -_-''

+Josie+

three names you go by:
1. Dione
2. D1
3. chunky

three screen names you have had:
1. death_dreamer1989
2. red_raven1989
3. alienEnoid

three physical things you like about yourself:
1.Eyes
2.lips
3.hair

three physical things you don't like about yourself:
1.cheeks
2. nose
3.body

three parts of your heritage:
1. filipino
2. spanish
3. portugese

three things that scare you:
1. Losing loved ones
2. pink
3. Giant monkeys

three of your everyday essentials:
1. Cellphone
2. Money
3. More money

three of your favorite musical artists:

1. .H.I.M.
2. within temptation
   
3. muderdolls
   

three of your favorite songs:
1. "Killing loneliness" by H.I.M.
2.Losing his touch -jack off jill
3. forsaken - korn and disturbed



three things you want in a relationship:
1. Loyalty
2. Honesty
3. Happiness

three lies and truths in no particular order:

lies:
1. I love the color pink
2. i want to conform to capitalism
3. i like monkeyz

truth:
1. I Love Jason!!
2. The world is black
3. we all die ...bwahahahahah (its true!! were all gonna die!!! *evil laugh*)

three physical things about the opposite sex that appeals to you:
1. Hair
2. Face
3. Body

three of your favorite hobbies:
1. Internet
2. taking pics with friends
3. art stuff ....

three things you want to do really badly now:
1. stabb someone
2.hug Jason
3. burn the highschool faculty

three careers you're considering/you've considered:
1.Photographer
2. art professor /teacher ^^;
3. Psychologist

three places you want to go on vacation:
1. Egypt
2. London
3. New Zealand

three kid's names you like:
1.I
2.dislike
3. Kids

three things you want to do before you die:
1.travel da world
2. lie in an open coffin
3. touch a real human brain

three ways that you are stereotypically a boy:
1. I like playing videogames,
2. I buly other boyz
3. I dislike wearing pink (cuz its da gayest colour in da world!!!)

three ways that you are stereotypically a girl:
1.i like butterflies
2. moody
3. i like shopping!!

three celeb crushes:
1. Ville Vallo
2. Gerard Way
3. Dtuart Twonsend


ahehehe i enjoy anwering these things .. ahehe
i stole this from jasons blog .. because i currentlyhave nothing to do ... aheeh
Boredome stickes once again .. ahehe ... :-P

+pointless but fun+

1.ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET
IT?
-running up the stairs

2. WHAT ARE ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
-paintings errr clock ..

3. WHAT DOES YOUR CELL PHONE LOOK
LIKE?
- a small errr ..phone ...

4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LIKE TO LISTEN TO?
-metal,goth,rock...heephup... ahahah

5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU
WEREBORN?
- yes ... exactly 7:55 on a monday morning.

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN
ANYTHING?
-Love

7. WHAT DO YOU MISS AT TIMES?
- ZlackerZ (my friends)

8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED
POSSESSION?
-pointless to answer

9. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SMELL?
-Roses i guess

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
-indeed elevators scare the bejesus outta me ...

11. IF YOU WILL DIE TOMORROW:
-the world will be a better place.. :-D

12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?
- myself

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PERFUME?
-victorias secret pear glace

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR DO YOU LIKE ON THE
OPPOSITE SEX?
- long and black or .. spikey ... aheheh

15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF
PROPOSING TO SOMEONE?
- cemetery.... bwahaha

19. WHO IS THE LAST PERSON WHO MADE
YOU MAD?
- jo' momma

20. DO YOU SPEAK ANOTHER LANGUAGE?
-Tagalog ?? yyeah .... chan drak kun jason!!!<3

21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE
EVER
GAVE YOU (OF THE OPPOSITE SEX)?
- chocolate...mmmmmmmmmm.....

22. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING
THAT THE PERSON
IS LEAVING?
-leaving??... i try my best not to ....

23. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL
SOMEONE HOW MUCH
THEY MEAN TO YOU?
- making something for them..or jst telling em str8.

24. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A
HUNDRED:
-11


25. WHAT IS THE ONE NUMBER YOU CALL
OFTEN?
- 616 last three numberz

26. WHAT ANNOYS YOU THE MOST?
- flirts,posers,superfical shitheadz...

27. HAVE YOU EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
- is your refrigerator running???

28. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU
FILLED OUT THIS
SURVEY?
-sniffing pillows

29. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY,
WHAT WOULD
IT BE?
-my ass nyahahaha .

30. WHY DID YOU FILL OUT THIS SURVEY?
- i was held at gunpoint bymy imaginary friend Mr.
powpow

31. WHAT DO YOU LIKE ON YOUR PIZZA?
-M&M's

32. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL
BECAME ILLEGAL?
-cry ... and go look for some more .. nyahaah

33. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR
BIRTHDAY?
-all my closest friends to be with me ...and H.I.M.
to play as live entertainment aheheh

34. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF IT SUDDENLY
STARTED
RAINING BLOOD?
-look up stick out my toungue and enjoy!! .. :-P

35. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
- a Goddess

36. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
- yeah .. they never work tho *anger* ahehehe

37. WHICH FINGER[S] IS YOUR FAVORITE?
- index and pinky !! \m/

38. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY?
-ermm... saturday???

39. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
-bwahahahha my handwriting?!?!..errrm....NO

40. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
- broccoli

41. ANY BAD HABITS?
-slacker,cussing,squeezing,spontaneous screaming and singing...

42. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD
ON THE SHELF?
- spice girls bwahaha i was young and stooopid ....

43. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD
YOU BE
FRIENDS WITH YOU?
-NO

44. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET
YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL?
-yeah ...hee hee am a bad friend .../gg

45. DO LOOKS MATTER?
- Im not gonna lie ... to me they do matter
but not so much ...

46. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?
- screaming ,stabbing ,drawing,crying,listening to loud mudic for hours ..sometimes ermm hurting myslef *stoopid Dione*

47. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME?
- my head

48. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY?
- NO

49. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A
CHILD?
-my army of headless barbies

50. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GIRL/GUY
-Idependence,depth,sincerity,insight,humor,creativity....

+SO DAMN CONFUSED+

SO DAMN CONFUSED
Mood: LOST
Listening to: Hell in your eyes ...

argh ... its officail am goin to summerskool.T__T gawsh ... my teacher screamed at me yesterday infront of all my classmates .. in tagalog "wala ka nang awa sa sarili mo magsummer ka ha!!" (meaning im not helping yourslef so your going to summer skool ...)while pointing at me with her eyes almost poppin outta her head .....arg... its kinda unfair because i want the only one who didnt have that monologue thing or that formal theme thing ... i was just one outta 20 or more and she just had to scream at me ... *whine* okay aheheeh ... just venting .. ahehehe...
anyway .... stil got art block ... pressure form my family,friends,teacherz are kinda overwhelming .. i think i just heard my brain crack ... :cray: aheheh ... anyway 15 dayz of skool left ... i can make it ...
heheh just this afternoon i passed my chemistry quiz (for once) ahahaha ... am very proud of it ..
aheheh chem is a f**king pain in the rear end ya know .. aheheh ...

Oh well... i hope my art blockiness will be over soon....cuz summer break is coming up and ill still have plenty of time to draw and stuff despite the summer classes .. haha... and i think my parents are planning to sign me up for some art lessons ...ahehe...
glee....


in other news ...
im goin crazy ... aheheh ... i want to strangle all my classmates theyre all pains in the bee-hynd erg... and also .. some"special" day is coming up .. and im kinda disappointed bout it ...welll ..yeah ... -_____-'